I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
