I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
