I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
