I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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