How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
