I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
