Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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