can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
