when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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