It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
