Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
