Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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