I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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