What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
