I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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