is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
