Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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