No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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