Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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