if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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