I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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