i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
