So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
