So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
cat food counts as protein by the way
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
