Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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