Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
