Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
