I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
