The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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