Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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