Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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