Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
