my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just cropdusted the office
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
