Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
