well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
