The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
