my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
