Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
