Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
