Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
