All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
