then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
