the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
