..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
