After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
