I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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