Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
