I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
