booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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