I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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